Been talking to my bird friends this morning. My niece told me folks would think I’m senile if I told them I talk to birds. I really can identify some of them who are constant visitors to my bird cafe — Nutty, the blue nuthatch; Woody, the male downy woodpecker and his wife, Nuttia; Chubby, a fluorescent male cardinal (might be Chiefy); the five fighting finches, one of whom can’t fly well; the yellow finch triplets, Trip, Let, and Triplet: and a big northern flicker I call Red. So pretty when the red cardinals and the yellow goldfinches sit on the same feeder. Looks like a box of bird crayons.

I understand why the Lord made female birds so homely but how depressing it must be to see all the males strutting around with their beautiful plumage. Some of the female American goldfinches are so plain looking while their male friends and husbands sport their yellow coats. The female finches even looked depressed when they light on the feeders. The male cardinals are so red this year, they almost glow. And the juvenile male cardinals are so magnificent with all their feathers maturing. So neat to watch the progressing of colors. Every bird is different, even their beaks change colors as they mature.

Cheddar, the next door cat, murdered a mockingbird for breakfast yesterday. Left the feathers scattered around the yard. Did you know outdoor pet cats kill 2.4 billion songbirds each year! Add in the numbers from feral cats and the number goes up to 4 billion. I just can’t comprehend those numbers. One pet cat kills 34 birds a year so Cheddar has 33 more to go. Chief had a cat herd of 22. Wonder how many birds they murdered in a year! If you do the math his little herd would have wiped out 748 birds a year! Hope he’s reading this in heaven!

I have 17 bird feeders and 4 bird baths. When I moved from Alexander City to Roanoke, I brought my Alex City feeders and bird baths to add to my Roanoke ones. Too many I know but it’s too late to turn back now. If you aren’t a bird watcher you are missing one of nature’s most wonderful gifts. Just get one feeder, put black oil sunflower seeds in it, and watch what happens. The birds give me so much joy.

Well, changing the subject…My clothes dryer died. I almost had a heart attack! I guess I forgot I raised three children in cloth diapers and never even thought about buying a dryer. Loved hanging diapers and the little Feltman brothers clothes on a clothes line on the back porch. In the winter time the wood stove heat would dry them quickly, too. Went years without a dryer. Still hang lots of things on the clothes line, though. Nothing sleeps better than sheets dried on the clothes line.

So, to make a long story short, I had to buy a new dryer. I thought about my husband, Chief, and his lack of common sense and how even the simplistic task could become a chore. He could put gas in a lawn mower but don’t put a tool in his hand! I thought the dryer might just need a drum belt but after waiting eight days on the repair man, he texts and asks me to take a photo of the serial number and text it to him. Won’t tell you how long that took me!

Then days later he proceeds to tell me the parts and service call charges would be better spent toward a new dryer, the dryer was too old, and that he didn’t service small appliances anymore! I wanted to tell him I understand now why my daddy wouldn’t let me date him in high school! No offense dryer man, the dryer was too old and I did need a new one. That was good advice! I’ll be calling you soon to install a fridge and a stove hood and faucets in the bathrooms. No disrespect meant, you did great with the dishwasher. And you saved me and my bedroom ceiling from the bathroom leak upstairs! AND you told me you did get two speeding tickets twice in one day in high school so my daddy didn’t make that story up after all! You are the Plumbing King!

Anyway, I buy the dryer and Big Brother takes me to pick it up. Almost had to have him use a fork lift to get up in his old truck. His friend is short. Guess he throws her up in there. Anyway, we drag the new dryer into the un-air conditioned house to the un-air conditioned kitchen sweating our guts out. Course I’m sweating more than Stew and Big Brother and I’m just bossing them around! Big Brother kept asking me why I was so hot. Wanted to tell him it was because I had a bra on!

Course dryers are now sold without a cord…stupid…but between the three of us and a YouTube video I had studied the night before, we get the cord on. Since my house is 102 years old, I have to have a three-prong plug. Well, I swear the cord was about 2 feet long. It was a range cord instead of dryer cord, so by the time we pushed the dryer close enough for him to plug it in, Big Brother was trapped behind it!

I told Stew if we had had Chief with us I would be the one trapped behind the dryer. We never could have dragged Chief or me out! I told Big Brother I guess he would have to live there but he crawled over and slid off the washing machine. I know he was stove up the next morning. I can’t even lift my leg as high as he did when he stepped up to get out from behind the dryer. I can’t even lift my leg high enough to put on pants!

We stood the dryer up, pushed it back even with the washer, and headed back to the porch and sat on the swings to cool off. In a minute Big Brother said, “You better go turn it on and see if it works!” I thought, well, if it doesn’t who is climbing back in there!? Not me!

I’m would tell you about the roofers but it’s a long sordid story. Took three months to finally get one here and get an estimate. Be back in several weeks to start on the roof. The original roof is slate. Roofer man asked if I wanted slate back on the roof…sure, slap that expensive slate on. No! Shingles will be fine.

Next column I’ll tell you about the time the raccoons tea partied in my house! You do not want to miss reading that!