I’m gonna tell y’all a tale about raccoons that came down the chimney in our Roanoke house. They threw themselves a raucous party in every room of the house and had a grand ol’ time. Chief came over to Roanoke by himself to check on things the week after Christmas. This was several years ago. We had a regular schedule of coming every two weeks till the house was robbed and then we changed up our schedule. It was a cold January…the gas heat so expensive…so we decided to wait a month before coming to Roanoke to check on things. The gas bill was monstrous, even when we kept it on 58 to 60 degrees. My brothers and their families rode by occasionally to check on things.

We were well into January when Chief gets a call from the Roanoke utility department.They want to know if we are building a swimming pool… we had used over 40,000 gallons of water that month! I just knew the house must be flooded on all three floors! I get off work and we high tail it over there. When I open the front door I can hear the water running upstairs. I run up the stairs, trust me, wasn’t an easy task! The water in the commode was running forcefully but not running over. A critter had turned the commode water on full blast. The water had been running down the commode for weeks. God does help us ignorant people! There were paw prints all over the counter and sink and commode and tub. Must have been a wild gathering!

I’d run in the house so fast and up the stairs to see what was wrong, I didn’t notice the party trash in the living room. They had partied on the sofa with oatmeal pies and a box of soda crackers. After Chief saved me from cardiac arrest, I found a mess all over the kitchen floor and counters. Something had been in the kitchen and turned all the canisters over and tap danced around in the mess. Some critter had emptied out a box of cereal.

They were devilish little black paw prints everywhere in the house. On top of and in all the commodes, in the bathtubs, and sinks, on the counters, the furniture, on the walls where they had stood up under the windows to look out. I’m sure they were looking to see if anybody was coming to break up their party. By the phone, little paw prints looked like they had dialed to invite friends to the party! I was fuming but Chief was laughing.

There was oatmeal pie trash on the sofa in the living room. They had enjoyed a box of oatmeal pies and a bag of hamburger buns. Thank God they had not turned on the stove and cooked a hamburger patty!

The water bill for their raucous party was $800! The city graciously took $100 off the bill. I guess it could’ve been worse, the raccoon could’ve flooded the whole three floors of the house.

I just wonder how many raccoons actually came in here? Anyway, to make a long story short, Chief and I cleaned up the party mess and washed slip covers from chairs in every room in the house. Thank goodness and praise the Lord for small favors, they did not bathroom all over the house. I left three paw prints on a wall in the dining room, under a window, to show the grandchildren.

We called animal control and got a raccoon cage put in the living room. Evidently they were coming down the living room chimney. Anyway, the animal control man came back the next day and and carted the one we caught away. Chief was saying, “Don’t kill him and I was saying please kill him so he can’t come back!” Thank God we haven’t seen him or his friends in the house again!

But when Stew looks out the bathroom window upstairs at dusk he sometimes sees a big grandpaw raccoon sitting on the roof, who I know is planning another house party. Sometimes he sees grandpaw with his friends, but no one has come down the chimney again. I think my little house dog Penelope is saving us from an invasion.