No porch pondering in the porch swing today, too cold and damp. Penelope and I spent the day pondering in the lady den. The lady den was a sun room when the house was built in 1920 and has nine windows. We watched the squirrels ride the bamboo in the wind gusts. The squirrels jump from the bamboo to the roof and back again, leaping off the roof in a full body stretch, like a trapeze artist stretching to catch the swinging bar. So far all the squirrels have caught a bamboo stem and will live to see another day. We watched the birds on the bay tree beside the house and on the three feeders outside the front windows. Not many birds feed on the three feeders outside the den windows. They love the 16 feeders on the other side of the house because there are bushes and trees to perch in and hide in.

Made a chocolate cake mid-afternoon. Let Penelope have a tiny lick on one mixer beater and I had a lick on the other one. When there are no children in the house, it’s up to the grandmother to lick the beaters! Sometimes you just to have dessert before dinner. No shame in admitting it. I’ve been there and done that with the grandchildren in Hilton Head. Didn’t eat any dessert till after we had spaghetti for supper. After supper I watched the Super Bowl. Hate to admit I didn’t know Rihanna and her songs but I’ll be glad when crotch grabbing goes out of style. How did that ever get started? I guess it’s another sign I’m getting old! Just give me country music where all they grab is a beer! Smile!

I’m wondering today what defines us and our life. I define myself first as a widow. Webster’s defines a widow as a person who has lost their spouse and has not remarried. I’ll be a widow the rest of my life but that doesn’t have to define me. I’m also a mother, a grandmother, a sister, an aunt, a sister-in-law, a cousin, and a friend. Am I still a daughter if my parents are deceased? I don’t know. I am also defined by the tragedy of my daughter’s death. And I’m defined by my strong faith and spiritual beliefs. These beliefs have helped me through difficult times. I’m also a cake baker, a Tahoe driver, a porch swing thinker, a birdwatcher, and a gardener, and now a blogger. And the list goes on….

The things that define us should be important parts of our lives and how we see ourselves. Mistakes and bad decisions are part of life but don’t have to define us. Don’t worry what other people think, focus on things that truly matter to you. Maintain family ties and friendships. Family and friends matter most. They celebrate life’s triumphs with us and stand by us and comfort us during life’s tragedies.

Don’t let tragedy define you. Be defined by your blessings. Define yourself by the sunshine you bring into the world.