“Cherish every single day you have left because tomorrow is never promised,”— Cody Bret. This is certainly true and I have experienced several tomorrows that unexpectedly didn’t come for my loved ones. I know my readers are tired to reading about Chief and Rosie but sometimes the words just pour out and I can’t stop them. Just stop reading here if you want, won’t hurt my feelings, and you can look forward to tomorrow’s pondering. Had no idea I would be writing about this today but when I sat down these words poured out.

Ran across that quote about life when I reading in the swing yesterday. I remember the last thing Rosie said to me as she drove away in my car headed back to college. She called me “Smoochie” when she was happy and she waved and yelled out the car window, “Bye, Smoochie, see you next weekend.” I yelled back, “I hid $20 in the car for gas.” She saw the little Easter basket I had snuck in the passenger side floor board of the car and held it out the window so I could see she found it. Away she went, gone with a wave and a little Easter basket. I never saw that smile again.

Chief fell when he was getting up to go to the bathroom while we were all ill with Covid. Stew and I could not get him up. He was so weak, I called the ambulance to ask if they could come and help me get him up and back in the bed. They came and with Stew’s help they got him back in the bed. They decided to take him to the hospital to check on him more thoroughly. Told me I couldn’t go but they would call back it he had to be admitted. Phone call shortly said I needed to come to discuss his care. I told them I had Covid, too, but the nurse met me in the parking lot and masked me up and took me to a special room. He had suffered a cardiac arrest, brought on by Covid, on arrival at the hospital and had been intubated. I had promised him I would not let them do that but it was already done. I asked for them to remove the tube soon as I entered the hospital room. The kind, young doctor said, “Tom, Lane is here. You are not alone.” Then he looked at me and said, “It’s good to see you love him enough to let him go.” I know the doctor had seen his share of death and the lingering hope of loved ones keeping their family alive artificially. In hindsight I probably should have asked Thomas and Stew before I told them to remove the tube. But they understood and we had talked about this when we made our Living Wills.

I sat by Chief’s hospital bed and held his hand trying to tell him how much he meant to our family and how much I loved him. The doctor would kindly and quietly come in and listen to his heart beat and tell me, “He’s just not ready to leave you yet.” I stroked his hand and told him I knew he was going to see Rosie soon and to tell her we loved her and missed her. I told him not to worry about me, I’d be all right. He just slipped away and was gone.

As I was driving home from the hospital I was rewinding the moments of the day and remembered how intently he had looked at me as he stood up beside the bed that morning. He didn’t really fall. He looked straight at me, his gaze never wavering, as he slid down to the floor and fell over sideways. When I relived the day I remember his gaze bore a hole in my soul because it was so full of love and understanding and goodbyes. I think he knew he was dying. Honestly it was like he was rewinding his life as he looked at me. My friend lost her husband to cancer and she saw the same expression on her husbands’ face when he looked at her the day he died. Can’t explain it. Guess you have to experience it to understand it.

We surely aren’t promised a tomorrow but when we lay our heads down on the pillow at night we think of all the promises of tomorrow. We plan out our day and think about the coming morning and how we’re going to spend the day. We smile thinking of loved one and friends who will be part of our day. If we subconsciously live each as if it’s our last day we will live each day to the fullest and be grateful for what we have. Chief always said, “Just be grateful to wake up with breathe each day.” A simple truth!

“Never regret a day in your life: good days give happiness, bad days give experience, worst days give lessons, and best days give memories,” — Unknown