Today I’m thinking of my Valentine’s letter from Chief, resting in my jewelry box I purchased in England on a college trip. I love to sit down and slowly read the letter, savoring his words, trying to hear his Southern drawl. Chief was a romantic in a quiet, passionate way. We’d watch the movie, The Notebook, and he never failed to say at the ending of the movie, “I love you like that, Mama.” After Thomas was born he told me the first time he met me he wanted me to be the mother of his children. Such a beautiful compliment! He never failed to bring me the first daffodil of the season or the first colorful fall leaf he found on the ground. He’d frequently bring me a bouquet of wild flowers occasionally gathered with a few turnip green blossoms. I loved these bouquets and they never never ceased to thrill me.

I think the greatest gift we can give our spouse or our loved one is to accept them as they truly are, not trying to change them or mold them into the person we want them to be. True abiding love doesn’t try to put a round peg in a square hole. When the roads are hard to travel and all you have each other if you haven’t picked your travel partner well, you’re going to have a long, hard, lonely walk. Love is not like the Hallmark movies and the Valentine’s Day card sentiments.

True love is rare and I never thought I would find it. Love had burnt me once and broken my heart when I was young and I just gave up looking for it again. I stumbled across love when I left my work with The Roanoke Leader newspaper and moved to Alexander City to work with Russell Corporation’s internal publications. I remember the first time I realized I loved Chief. We were flying down Highway 280 on the way to the Sylacauga Sewing Plant to cover a safety dinner on the third shift. We speeding along at mid-night in Chief’s green station wagon. Yes, he used to drive fast and yes, he drove a station wagon so he would have enough space to transport The Russell Records. He delivered the papers to some of the smaller plants and offices.

We had the windows down in the station wagon, he never, ever turned on the air conditioning in the car. He was passing all the big trucks on the highway. Our hair was blowing in the breeze and as I looked across the front seat at him and he smiled at me, my heart started racing and my hands started sweating. And I knew immediately, “Oh, no…, I’m in love with my boss!” And I thought, what a predicament. I waited for him to say, “I love you.” I knew when he said he would mean it from the depth of his heart.

I remember that first time he told me he loved me. I had waited patiently for him to say it first knowing he never said anything he didn’t mean. He was at my apartment in Alexander City, smoking a cigarette after we had eaten supper. He looked at me and said, “I love you!” I thought he would never realize it, yet say it, because I knew it months before. We were great friends, who had fallen in love. Funny thing was one of the mills at Russell Corporation had caught on fire that same night and Chief was nowhere to be found. He should have been there covering the fire with his camera and little notebook but no one could find him. When we went back to work Monday and the mill’s plant manager asked us why we didn’t come to take photos, we just smiled. Where were you he asked? Made a great story years later.

We got married two years after I went to work with him, raised three beautiful children. We continued to work together at the publications for almost 30 years. He was a Southern gentleman, courteous and well mannered and raised his sons to be gentlemen, too. When we lost our teenage daughter to a car wreck, our love grew deeper and our marriage grew stronger as we tried to hold each other up through our grief. His love for his family was deep and true and he bragged on our children, our daughter-in-law, and grandchildren constantly to anyone who would listen.

You know romance doesn’t have to involve dramatic gestures. To me, small gestures or small acts of affection can be romantic. Something as simple as making a cup of coffee for your spouse can be romantic. Research tell us that love involves chemistry in the brain and not the heart. I agree to disagree. My heart used to beat out of my chest when I heard Chief’s footsteps coming up the stairs to my apartment. I know how true love feels because I’ve experienced it and those memories are walking down this path of widowhood with me, holding my hand just like I held Chief’s hand as he left this earthly home.

I had a beautiful love story with Chief and watched it play out around me in a happy marriage of 40 years. He turned 45 the day after our wedding and I turned 26 four days later. And trust me, forty years was not long enough for me to love him. My heart would race when I heard the his footsteps on the stairs at my apartment and years later continued to race when I heard his truck tires coming down the dirt road to our home.

It doesn’t take a bouquet of roses, a box of chocolates, or an expensive gift for your loved one to celebrate Valentine’s Day. I only received flowers from the florist from Chief, one time, on the birth of our first child, but the bouquets of wildflowers, the first yellow daffodil of spring, the first beautiful fall leaf he picked up, the first vegetable from his garden, a colorful bird feather he found, always thrilled me and made my heart race when he put them in my hands. He had seen something beautiful in nature and thought of me. As his tombstone reads, he was a gentle man and a gentleman.

I’ve missed Chief every second, every minute, and every hour of everyday for the past five years. But I know one day I’ll be his Valentine again in heaven. This Valentine’s Day just put your arms around your loved one and your children and tell them they are wanted and loved and needed and appreciated and you’re proud of them, because you never know what tomorrow will bring. Celebrate the “I love you” every day!

“I love you more than yesterday but less than tomorrow.” — Rosemonde Gerard