Today I woke early to the sun’s rays, crisp and clear, making dappled shadows through the bamboo on my bedside window pane. A bird chorus was warming up and a wren was the guest soloist with his loud “tweet.” The sky was azure blue. Just a few wispy clouds. I ate breakfast and lunch in the swing pondering about the world.

The birds were the featured soloists in the yard symphony. Had one loud bird that kept saying, “tweet, tweet!” I heard it in the back yard when I woke. It was a wren pushing his breast out and using his loud lungs. They are round, dumpy little birds. So much fun to watch specially when they cock their tale straight up and stare at you. Wrens are curious and build their nests in the goofiest places. We had one build a nest in our big cast iron grill. They have some complex songs in their repertoire but this one was stuck on tweet. The wind added some simple melodies to the yard symphony, stroking the wind chimes softly. Pleasant background music for porch pondering and porch painting.

Oldest sister-in-law brought me a stack of magazines from the city library today. Read an old Southern Loving article about advice from mothers. Had some photos of famous mother and daughter couples. I’m so out of the loop, I’d never even heard of any of them except Barbara Bush and her daughter, Jenna. Got me to thinking about my mother’s advice throughout my life. I thought and thought, while I painted my porch furniture, trying to think what was the most pertinent advice she gave me. Guess what I remember the most was her saying, “The Lord never gives you more than you can carry.” Thought about that one a lot when Rosie died. Soon as I hung up the phone from receiving the news about Rosalyn’s death, I thought I’ve got to call Mama. I needed to hear her voice and advice to give me strength, but she died in November of 1995 and Rosie died in March of 2001. Guess we all long for our mother’s love and advice.

Another piece of advice I heard from Mama was, “This is just a phase, they’ll grow out of it.” I’d call her complaining about some of the children’s antics that were driving me crazy and she’d always say, “It’s just a phase they’re going through.” I actually told my daughter-in-law that last weekend. I’m thinking what advice I’d give my grandchildren. The old proverbial, always wear clean underwear. Never ride a motorcycle. Look people in the eye and give a firm handshake. Be kind and courteous. Do good. Respect your parents. Use your manners. Say yes mam and please and thank you. My grandchildren are well mannered and respectful and appreciative. Have to brag on their parents for making manners important!

Wish someone had told me as a child to not fear mistakes. But mistakes are scary. Sometimes we learn more from our mistakes. Research on the internet found these suggestions for parents to tell their children but they work for all of us. “Love what you do and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Don’t really understand that one because time and present needs and circumstances don’t always match up with that advice. Love this one, specially for teenagers. “It’s a lot easier to stay out of trouble than to get out of trouble.” I remember asking for permission to do something or to go somewhere when I was a teenager and I’d say, “But everybody is going.” Daddy would always say, “You’re not everybody.” And that was the end of that conversation. “Honesty is the best policy and be thankful for what you have.” I remember hearing those sentences from my parents, too. “Fill your life with things you enjoy. Don’t rely on other people to make you happy.” “Don’t compare yourself to others.”

I’ve really followed the “Fill your life with things you enjoy” since I’ve been retired. My days are long and full of happy activities with lots of bird watching and porch sitting.

If I could give the world a piece of advice it would be, “Life is good, but not always fair.” So much unhappiness in the world is from people grumbling about life not being fair. Someone always wins and someone always loses. We don’t all need a trophy. We need to learn how do deal with these situations and with faith we’ll find that life really is good. We have to approach our lives with a conscious effort to overcome the times we feel the world has let us down. We all have obstacles to overcome in our lives. We can learn from these times to pull ourselves up by the suspenders of life and walk on to another day where the sun shines.

“Life isn’t always fair. Some people are born into a better environments. Some people have better genetics. Some are in the right place at the right time. If you’re trying to change your life, all of this is irrelevant. All that matters is that you accept where you are, figure out where you want to be, and then do what you can today and every day, to hold your head high and keep moving forward.” — Lori Deschene