Sitting here with bad weather coming through. The electricity is flickering so I’m going to choose something from my archives before I’m cut off. The wind has been so glorious today. I sat on the porch swing and watched the trees dance. But now the wind has gotten angry and is bringing thunderstorms and tornadoes across Alabama tonight. Prayers for everyone’s safety.

From my archives of 2023 —

I’m gonna tell y’all a tale about some partying raccoons that came down the chimney in our home here in Roanoke. They threw themselves a raucous party in every room of the house and had a grand ol’ time. Chief came over to Roanoke by himself to check on things the week after Christmas. This was several years ago. He came home and said we must have a mouse because he had cleaned up a mess on the kitchen counter from a loaf of bread we had left over there. We had a regular schedule of coming to Roanoke every two weeks till the house was robbed and then we changed up our schedule. It was a cold January…the gas heat so expensive…so we decided to wait a month before coming to Roanoke to check on things. The gas bill was monstrous, even when we kept the thermostat on 58 to 60 degrees. My brothers and their families rode by occasionally to check on things for us.

We were well into January when Chief gets a call from the Roanoke utility department. They want to know if we are building a swimming pool… we had used over 40,000 gallons of water that month! I just knew the house must be flooded on all three floors! I get off work and we hightail it over here. When I open the front door I can hear the water running upstairs. I run up the stairs, trust me, wasn’t an easy task! The water in the commode was running forcefully but not running over. A critter had turned the commode water valve on full blast. Yes, I’m serious! The water had been running down the commode for weeks but had not overflowed. God does help us ignorant people! There were paw prints all over the counter and sink and commode and tub. They had walked all over every surface in the bathroom downstairs, too. Must have been a wild gathering!

I’d run in the house so fast and up the stairs to see what was wrong, I didn’t notice the party trash in the living room. They had partied on the sofa with oatmeal pies and a box of soda crackers. After Chief saved me from cardiac arrest, I found a mess all over the kitchen floor and counters. Something had been in the kitchen and turned all the canisters over and tap danced around in the mess. Some critter had emptied out a box of cereal.

They were devilish greasy little black paw prints everywhere in the house, the commodes, the bathtubs, the sinks, the counters, the furniture, on the walls where they had stood up under the windows to look out. I’m sure they were looking to see if anybody from animal control was coming to break up their party. By the phone, little paw prints looked like they had dialed to invite friends to the party! Maybe they had ordered pizza. I don’t know but I was fuming and crying and Chief was laughing.

There were oatmeal pie wrappers all over the sofa in the living room. They had enjoyed a box of oatmeal pies and a bag of hamburger buns. Thank God they had not turned on the stove and cooked a hamburger patty!

The water bill for their rambunctious party was $800! The city graciously took $100 off the bill. Thank goodness the raccoons only turned on one commode valve. Five years later, I’m still mad over having to pay that water bill. I guess it could’ve been worse, the raccoons could’ve flooded all three floors of the house.

I just wonder how many raccoons actually came in here? Anyway, to make a long story short, Chief and I cleaned up the party mess and washed slip covers from chairs and sofas in every room in the house. Thank goodness and praise the Lord for small favors, they did not use the bathroom all over the house. I left three paw prints on a wall in the dining room, under a window, to show the grandchildren. They loved seeing the little black paw prints.

We called animal control and got a raccoon cage put in the living room. Evidently they were coming down the living room chimney. Anyway, the animal control man came back the next day and carted the one we caught away. He did a big pee pee for revenge on the living room floor through the cage bars so we had to throw the rug away. As the animal control officer was taking the raccoon away, Chief was saying, “Don’t kill him,” and I was saying, “Please, kill him so he can’t come back!” Thank God we haven’t seen him or his friends in the house again!

But when Stew looks out the bathroom window upstairs at dusk he sometimes sees a big grandpaw raccoon sitting on the roof, who I know is planning another house party. Sometimes he sees grandpaw with his harem, but no one has come down the chimney again. I think my little house dog Penelope is saving us from an invasion.

Advice from a raccoon — Unmask your talents. Climb to new heights. Be curious. Look both ways before you cross the road. Avoid junk food. Always wash your hands. Enjoy the nightlight.

P.S. The raccoons did come back when I moved over here, loving all the bird seed in the bird feeders, but I bought my own trap and caught four of them. My nephew and oldest brother found them a new heavenly home. Haven’t seen one since.